Positive behaviour

Your kids are bored? Fantastic!


It's the second week of the school holidays, the weather is lovely yet your kids are irritable because they are bored, fantastic!


Psychologists and child behaviourists tell us boredom is good for kids as it encourages creativity whereas constant entertainment breeds irritability and restlessness under the law of diminishing returns. 
If you would like your child to develop their own creative interests they need the time and space to do just that.

Of course at first it won't be comfortable for them (or you)  if they are unfamiliar with the sensations and used to someone / something else creating a distraction. 

"I'm bored"


"I'm bored" are words that seem to strike fear into the hearts of many parents who then try to solve the 'problem' by suggesting all kinds of things, arranging yet another outing or allowing yet more screen time. 


Stop! 


This is a vital life lesson for your child. Boredom is not something to be feared, rather it is an opportunity, an opening into another world; the world of thoughts, of ideas, of quiet contemplation, the world of decision making.  


It is also about responsibility, about who is in charge of your child's feelings.  


So when your hear "I'm bored" instead of providing a list of suggestions, try something different such as "OK, what would you like to do about that?"

As that is an opened ended question you might have to put in qualifications such as " remember we are having an at home day today" or "Remember today we're having a screen free day".

At first there will likely be lots of complaining and even anger if the child is used to being constantly entertained. Here is where you stay calm and just hand the situation back to child.

"OK I hear you're bored, perhaps you can think about what you're going to do". Don't at this stage give in and start making suggestions such as "You've got all that Lego you could make something, or there's lots of craft material what could you make....."

Allow your child to sit with their feelings

Allow your child to sit with their feelings and decide what they will do about them, and yes it may be a very long day. If you are able to do this you will clearly demonstrate to your child you believe they can solve the 'problem' at hand. 


Changing patterns of behaviour is not easy for children or adults so be patient and keep your focus on the end goal. A child who is able to draw on their creative instincts and who has a wide range of interests and activities is in a position of strength. 

 Space and quiet time


 Space and quiet time will give your child the opportunity to develop the skill of listening to themselves, of finding their creative instincts and interests.

In the modern 24 hour electronic world quiet space can be hard to find.  

There's a great deal of money to be made out of convincing parents that children need constant entertainment, so this school holidays try something different, stick with quiet time for a few days and enjoy the results.  
 

The weekend is here and you have an active toddler

Have you noticed how toddlers LOVE big work!

The bigger and heavier the better, the greater the stretch, the steeper the slope the greater the attraction. Small children love testing their strength.

The weekend is here and you have an active toddler

I remembered reading, ages ago, about ways for toddlers to use their developing bodies and abundant energy, so decided to write a short list to get you started.

Ways toddlers can exert maximum effort 

Here are a few to begin with:

  1. Carrying round a large bag or backpack

  2. Using large foam blocks (the Melbourne Museum Children's Gallery has fantastic large blocks)

  3. Carrying wood

  4. Walking over pillows

  5. Move a bucket or watering can of water

  6. Pushing or carrying a loaded laundry basket

  7. Lift a large(ish) suitcase with some weight in it

  8. Move a piece of furniture

  9. Taking the largest steps possible (stepping stones)

  10. Carrying a large box

  11. Digging and filling a bucket with sand then moving that to a new location .....

I hope you find several ideas which help to make the weekend even more enjoyable for you and your toddler.

Iā€™d love to see your ideas and photos, inspire others by posting them on my Facebook page

How to give your child what they really crave, calm simplicity.

What does your child really need?  

More experiences, more educational toys, more outings, more play dates, more, more...., more?

Perhaps what they really need, what would really make them happier and more satisfied is not more but less. 

Many adults are attracted to the philosophy of de-cluttering, and find that simplifying their life brings a sense of peace, the same applies to the young child.  

Less for most children would very definitely be more.

A simple Montessori-inspired approach to parenting has a lot to offer busy parents.

It offers practical, easy to understand strategies to simplify home life and most importantly it helps parents understand and focus on the needs of young children.

How to start?

Step 1. Press the blue button

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Why telling your child to "have fun" is counterproductive

child-black-and-white-.jpg

Each day as we say goodbye to our children many of us impart our wish for them to have fun.

"Have fun" we say, each and every day. We do this because we want the best for our children and we want them to enjoy the things they do. However if you think about it, it's just not possible to have fun every day. And even if it were, is it really what you want for your children?

Creating the expectation that each day, each activity will be fun-filled sets the child up for failure and disappointment. 

Returning home, their experiences are then examined against the harsh, unrealistic measure of the fun scale. "Did you have fun?"

If children are taught to expect each and every experience to be fun they are going to encounter a great deal of disappointment and distress. 

Is that really how you want to teach your child to measure the worth of an activity? To teach them that fun (every day) is what we aim for, that's our main goal? 

What will happen if your child begins to reject anything or everything that's not fun to learn?

A lot of necessary skills and enjoyable activities take effort and perseverance to learn, they are not and can not be fun every step of the way.

Sending your little one off with the expectation of having fun every day puts everyone under so much pressure, the child cannot help but fail and by failing will often feel as though they are disappointing the parent who so clearly wants them to have fun. 

What can we do instead?

Surely there are many meaningful ways to measure the worth of our experiences? 

Using instead the phrase "have a good day" is very different to "have fun. A good day can be (and very often is) one where you achieve something worthwhile, you master a new skill, you persevere and make progress, you overcome a difficulty - it may not have been fun but it was satisfying and rewarding. 

When our children return home at the end of the day we could say something like, "Hi, it's great to see you, how are you?" and leave it to them to report their day as they wish (often you will find out much more by waiting than you will by grilling them).

"How was your day?" is far more open-ended than "how was your day, did you have fun?" which automatically tells the child what the parent wants to hear.

If you ask, 'how was your day?' please be prepared to accept, OK, all right, boring, horrible or good or any other words the child chooses to describe their day.

 Very often if you accept the child's answer, reflect it back and wait, children will begin to spontaneously talk about their experiences in their own way, in their own time. If no additional information is offered up it's a great idea if you offer some of your own, talking about your day. This then becomes a conversation rather than an interrogation.

Conversations, where we are free to discuss our experiences and our feelings, are the basis of a great relationship.

One more thing, do you know about the Free Taster? 

An introductory session, absolutely free.

No obligation, nothing to lose and potentially much to gain.

Click here for more details and booking link.

 

Holidays - your golden opportunity to evaluate family life

If you dread school holidays, thinking there will be more pain than pleasure, then it's time to have a long hard look at your family life.

If things in your family are not as you'd like them to be, what's going wrong?

If you could transform your family dynamics into what you'd like them to be, what would they look like?

It's likely you know how you'd like your family to function but not why it doesn't, or how to change it.

If you are ready to make some changes I would love to guide and support you through a process of evaluation. 

Neutral eyes see more clearly.

Together we can work through the available options and choose the path that's right for your family.  

Contact me for a free chat about what you'd like to change and I'll explain the ways I can help you to reach more of your parenting goals. 

A beautiful video of a child at work

This delightful video demonstrates the capabilities of young children and the satisfaction they experience when engaged in real work.  Yes it's shot at a Montessori centre in Sweden however that's really irrelevant, the activity can be replicated anywhere.

Even more  importantly the principle of real work is easily established at home. Real work, like setting the table for a meal, watering plants, washing and cutting fruit and vegetables, washing socks, hanging out washing or cleaning and a million other things, is exactly what your child wants (and needs) to do.

If these activities are set up for the child in a way which gives the greatest possibility for success your child will gain valuable skills, experience immense satisfaction and an understanding of their own capabilities which in turn builds confidence and self-esteem.

Getting the right equipment and an appropriate work space along with a clear demonstration of the activity is necessary to enable your child to experience success. If you are able do this the rewards for your little one (and for you) will be immense.

Here's one example of how to set up an activity. If your child is  interested in helping prepare dinner you can easily set up a vegetable peeling and cutting activity.

Here are the basics which require consideration:

  • Where is the child to work? In the kitchen with you or at their table?  If it's in the kitchen what will the child stand on to work safely at bench height?

  • What will you use to designate the child's work space? A vinyl mat works well for both the kitchen and the child's table. Differentiate between mats for food prep and other activities such as craft. 

  • Buy a peeler which is a suitable size for the hand of your child and make sure it peels efficiently.

  • Choose a knife or a chopper (one which uses 2 hands is often preferred by parents, available on line), make sure it is effective.

  • A chopping board, a bowl for scraps and a bowl for prepared vegetables.

  • A sponge to clean the bench or the table after finishing the task. Colour code your sponges so ones used in food preparation are a different colour to those used for craft.

  • An apron if you want your child to wear one.

  • A tray to store all of these things on and a designated place to store the tray. This can be in a particular cupboard in the kitchen or on a shelf in the child's work area.

  • If practical, colour code all items for one particular activity.

  • Break the activity into steps (e.g.don't introduce both peeling and cutting at the same time, wait until one is mastered then introduce the next) and teach each step by demonstrating, this includes cleaning up and when ready washing up and putting things back in their designated place.

This seems like a lot but once you get the things you need, trays, sponges, child-sized utensils (available on line) and think out your storage system you will be able to set up several activities in a short-space of time.

Always make sure you have enough time to demonstrate the activity before putting it on the shelf.

If I can be of help, give me a call on 0403 226 733.

Good luck, let me know how you get on.

Paulene