For children, real beats pretend every time.

Our homes are awash with toys for children which pretend to replicate the activities of daily life.

What the child really desires is the real activity.

Pretend play will satisfy the child to some extent but never to the level they really desire.

The Montessori approach aims to create the possibility for the child to  participate wherever possible in the world around them. So instead of a wooden 'sink' where the child pretends to wash dishes how can you enable  your little one what they really want to do, which is to wash real dishes, which need washing.

Involving your child in kitchen-based work is relatively easy if a suitable piece of furniture such as a  learning tower is made or purchased.

Washing the dishes is a great example of a simple everyday activity which provides within that one task so much the young child both wants and needs.

In addition to the satisfaction of mastering the task washing the dishes is an activity which provides a mechanism for:

• refining of motor skills

• hand-eye co-ordination

• understanding of cause and effect (e.g. you need to place the dish in the water and rub it with a brush to clean it)

• understanding consequences (if you don't hold the dish tightly it may fall from your grasp and may even break)

Perhaps most importantly your child will experience a sense of satisfaction as they meet their inner drive to participate in real 'work' and are involved in contributing to the family well-being.

Here are just a few examples of other easily available daily household activities loved by small children: 

• Sorting

  • cutlery

  • socks

  • washing

• Cutting (easy examples to start)

  • bananas

  • pears

  • mushrooms

  • zucchini

  • eggs

  • berries

• Spooning (the amount required for a family meal into a pot or bowl)

  • pasta

  • rice

  • beans

  • oats

Children understand that the tasks they see everyday are vital to the well being of the family and allowing your small child to participate in as many of those real tasks as possible will, along with the development of the skills discussed above, provide the child with a strong positive message about their capabilities and their importance within the family unit.

If you adjust your expectations, your children will be happier - and so will you.

Are you expecting too much from your child, or too little?

Do you expect them to adjust to (your) adult values and time scales?

It doesn't, and shouldn't, matter to your young child that their parent will be late for work or if spilling juice will ‘ruin’ the carpet, the child is driven by their innate quest for independence, to put their shoes on themselves and to pour their own drink.

From birth the child is powered by their internal timetable, each step along the way a step toward the goal of independence and self direction. 

Your child is absolutely desperate to do things for themselves almost as soon as they grasp the idea of what it is that needs doing.

As adults it's our job to create an environment where the child can, wherever possible, succeed in their ever-growing quest for independence.

"Help me to do it myself" is the plea of the small child and is a phrase often used by Montessorians as a short-hand way to describe the Montessori approach to child rearing/education.

Parents can use this approach to meet the developmental needs of their child.

look around the home and find ways to create a pathway toward independence the child craves, what can parents do to make this easier?

As the young child starts to want to do things themselves there are changes you can easily make, simple things like: 

1. Open shelves at child height with activities categorised and organised with all components needed. These activities are age appropriate.

2. A sturdy child sized table and chair or a Tripp Trapp chair (google it, they're fantastic) so the child can use the dining table.

3. A step to allow access to the hand-basin / toilet. A hand-towel at the right height.

4. A learning tower in the kitchen to provide safe access to kitchen benches for easy involvement in the preparation of food.

5. Child safe kitchen utensils and a child sized chopping board, plus a place to work.

6. Practical storage so the child can access their clothing and shoes.

7. Purchasing clothes and shoes which make it easy for the child to dress themselves and go to the toilet.

8. Walk at a pace that allows the young child to explore their surroundings.

The more activities the young child can do by themselves (once they have been taught the skill) the happier the child will be and conversely, the parent too will be happier as there will be fewer battles.

What the child cannot do is understand or appreciate adult values and time frames - that's not their job, that's yours. 

Their job is to strive for independence and ever increasing control, so help them to do that and you'll all be much happier.

Make a place for me - please!

You prepared your home for your new baby, have you now prepared it for the needs of your young child?

Maria Montessori described the classroom as the prepared environment. The home too, if it is to meet the emerging needs of the child, needs to be prepared.

If the child is confronted by obstacles and frustrated at every turn is it any wonder toddlers can be cranky?

Your child wants and needs to do things by themselves, every non -essential help is a hindrance to the child's development and it demonstrates to the child that the adult is an obstacle rather than a partner on the path toward independence..

To create a home environment which supports the developmental needs of your young child realistic expectations and child friendly time frames are essential along with ordered, age-appropriate physical organisation.

Starting with the physical organisation often helps with the rest. De-cluttering your child's play space/bedroom is a great place to start, it will help you to see more clearly and decide on the next step.