Choices and children can be an explosive combination, one that is often fraught with conflict.
It’s something parents often ask me about in my Montessori coaching work and parents who worked with me described these strategies as the most useful parenting information they've been given!
Important life skill
Learning to make choices is an important life skill, part of your child's ongoing quest for independence.
The quest for independence is a strong innate drive within every child, as a parent this evolving drive can be frustrating and is often a source of conflict between parent and child.
Informed choice requires knowledge and understanding
If we agree that learning to make choices is important how can you maximise the positive outcomes and minimise conflict?
An important starting point is to remember that your small child has little experience of the world and therefore little understanding of the implications of any particular choice or action.
Understanding the consequences
To make an informed choice an understanding of the consequences is required.
You know (for example) why eating a nutritionally balanced diet, getting enough sleep, or taking medicine are important for well being, the child has no such understanding.
You know the impact of serious head injury, the child does not and can not.
What happens when you give your child an open-ended choice?
Usually, it goes something like this…. you ask your child what they would like for breakfast.
You probably do so thinking of all the usual breakfast choices, then when the child answers “ice-cream” you are surprised and then, unsurprisingly, you say “no”.
The result is that the child is confused and understandably really annoyed. You asked what they would like and they would like ice-cream and you said “no”.
A tearful argument is the most likely outcome and the result is that everyone is unhappy.
Here’s the thing, your young child does not know when you said “what would you like for breakfast?” what you actually meant was “which of our usual breakfast foods what would you prefer this morning?”
They thought you actually meant “what would you like for breakfast?” and they would like ice-cream.
Clear communication
Clear communication is so important to family harmony that I devote a whole module of my Calm Montessori Parenting course to it.
It makes such a difference to the happiness of everyone in the family.
Limited choices
Giving the child a limited choice, asking 'would you like porridge or yoghurt and fruit for breakfast?' makes it clear to everyone what's on offer.
If the child then answers “ice-cream” your response is much easier and far less confusing to the child.
”I understand you would like ice-cream however the choices for breakfast today are porridge or yoghurt and fruit, so which would you prefer?”.
The same principle applies to all choices
As you are the adult you understand the consequences, avoid a negative outcome by limiting the choices to appropriate alternatives.
This blog post is a small example of the practical Montessori parenting I teach in my Calm Montessori Parenting course.
Montessori parenting is not about the toys.
It’s not about Pinterest perfect shelves or worrying if you can afford a piker triangle.
It’s about understanding what Montessori taught us and learning how to apply this knowledge to your everyday life so that Montessori becomes your family lifestyle.
That’s what I teach in my Montessori Parenting course.
Find out more with a free Discovery Call
Discover what might be holding you back from being the calm confident Montessori parent you want to be and what’s the most important thing you can do to move forward.
